beautiful dresses with ugly intentions

The orphan clings to Your hand
Singing the song of how he was found
The widow rejoices
For her oppressors are silenced


The runaway falls at Your feet
You are what he has searched for
The rich man is broken
When he stands beneath a sky full of stars


You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side

-"You Are On Our Side" by Bethany Dillon

It's almost 1:30. I should be sleeping.

But my heart is heavy.

My heart has been breaking and healing and breaking again too much in these past few days. I've thought of Cambodia so much. I've thought of the women I left behind there. The children that were so inspiring. The men who were so disgusting. The sights that were exciting. The sights that were sickening. The potential. The helplessness.

I'll never forget it. It was my first trip overseas and it changed my life. It changed my perspective. I thought by now I'd be back to the way I was before this summer. How wrong I was to think that! Life has gone on, but what I've experienced won't leave me.

There's one image that won't leave my mind.

Women, beautiful but sad, dressed in evening gowns and sitting in chairs outside a restaurant.

Beautiful evening gowns with disgusting intention.

We passed that place almost every day and I couldn't get used to that sight. I can't say I know for sure what they were doing there, but I made an educated guess.

I guessed they were being exploited.

Used.

Bought.

Sold.

Put it however you want. The point is they were there and they weren't happy.

And that image - that disgraceful sight - will not leave me. It breaks my heart that while I'm here at school learning so I can have a good future, girls my age, girls youger than me are being sold to fulfull the selfish desires of selfish men. I hate it. I want them to be here in my place. I want to get them help. I want to give them normal clothes, not showy evening gowns. I want to love them purely, not allow them to be forced to make "love" with strange men.

But for now I am here. I can't be there so I must make the best of being here. The song at the beginning of this post has kept me going. It's reminded me over and over that God still wants me. But it's also reminded me that Jesus would love the women the world hates. And, much harder for me to grasp, he would love the men that use and abuse them.

It's a tough wake up call.