don't worry, be happy :)

This blog was inspired by multiple people's facebook status's...I won't lie. But also by talking to people throughout the past week or so.

Worry.

It's something most of us deal with, especially us girls. All of us worry about grades, family, finances, big projects, work, everything. But I think we forget way too easily who's in control. I mean think about it, we are loved by the creator of the universe. I don't think we realize the impact of that. He LOVES us! That means He cares about us and what happens in our lives. But He's the creator and He controls the world! He knows everything that goes on and He works everything together for the good of those who love Him. That doesn't mean it will be easy. In fact, life often gets really hard. But it does mean that He's watching out for us. Look at this passage from Matthew 6:25-34

Therefore I tell you, do no worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important that food, and the body more important that clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry saying, "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?" For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousnessm and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

That passage gets me every time. But the part that really sticks out to me is the last verse (which is in bold). Tomorrow will worry about itself! I tend to plan ahead...like way ahead. I had spring break planned out day by day two months before break even started! But I don't need to worry about tomorrow. He's got it. He's got me. If God's taking care of the birds and the flowers, why on earth would He not take care of me? Why wouldn't He watch out for His own daughter?

Because that's what you are if you've accepted Christ. You are His son or daughter. You are His! He's not just gonna let you go. No, He's got you. He's in control.

So don't worry so much. Yes, it's good to plan and it's good to have hopes and expectations, but don't worry your life away. Enjoy it. Be happy with it. It's a gift from God for you to enjoy.

i am good enough :)

Do you ever feel like you're not accomplishing anything? Like you're not good enough or not important enough?

If you know me at all you know that my biggest desire is to make a difference in this world. But sometimes that seems like much too big a task for such a plain, unimportant girl like me. (Of course, I have a God bigger than that desire and He can do amazing things through me, but that's not where I'm going with this blog...) I look around and I see people accomplishing things. I see kids my age doing amazing things for the kingdom of God, usually because they had the right heart in the right place at the right time. And believe me I'm thrilled for them! But sometimes I wonder, God, what are you waiting for? How come my right place and right time hasn't come? I get impatient.

But like I've written about before, God has a time for everything and there is no mistake in His plan.

Today I was inducted into the Tau Sigma honors society, an honors society for transfer students. Sure, I was a little proud of myself for being able to get into something like this, but there was one girl. One girl that was in my English class last year. She was my competition in that class. My goal was constantly to do better than her, though I knew it was near impossible. She tested out of her first TWO years of college. This is her first year and she's a junior! And it's easy for her! And I kept thinking, she's someone who's going to accomplish something. She's smart enough to do what she wants.

But God reminded me of something. I went up to shake the hand of our Vice Chancellor and he said, "Over 300 students and 38 of you are honored tonight for your academic excellence." And at that moment, as I leaned down to sign the roster (dramatic isn't it?) God said to me, See? You are good enough! He let me take a moment to be proud of what I had accomplished. To realize that I was capable of achieving something at least a little above average. And at that moment, on Mat 30, 2009, I realized that I could accomplish something. God has amazing plans for my life and I can't wait to see what they are.

God is like a GPS...kinda...

Hello to all four people who might read this :)

I'm sitting here waiting for my group to show up so we can begin working on our research project (yes, at 11:42 at night). Our project is to propose a study of post traumatic stress disorder in inner-city prostitutes. Heavy stuff, but of course I love it. Unfortunately, my group doesn't seem to be taking it as seriously and, though we have a month, we have a very very long way to go. It makes me a little nervous! But I'm sure we'll get it done.

You know what I was wondering? What if God told us everything we wanted to know about our futures? Would I actually want to know it all? In our prayer group class we talked about trusting God. Our teacher compared our journey through life to driving somewhere. These days it seems everyone has a GPS. And where would most of us be without one? I know I'd be going in circles. It's amazing how much we rely on those things. What's interesting, though is that we pretty much turn our minds off when we use one. It tells us to turn left, we turn left. It tells us to turn around, we mutter something about how did we miss that turn and then make a u-turn. And when it's silent we continue straight ahead.

What if that's how we treated God? Maybe not quite so mindlessly, but what if we just did whatever God told us to without question? He tells us to turn, we turn. He tells us to go back, we go back. He's silent and we keep going the way we've been going. No questions asked, just pure faith that He'll take us where we need to go.

But there's a significant difference between God and a GPS. (Well...there's a lot really, but for the purposes of the analogy we'll stick to this one). The GPS shows us quite a few steps at a time. We can look at the entire route before we even get in the car if we want. But God usually tells us one turn at a time. If he tells us two steps, it's like some miracle! But if He did tell us every step, every turn to make, would we take Him as seriously? I know I personally would be thrilled to know everything I needed to do and I would go and get it done, all with good intention of wanting to fulfill what God has purposed me to do. But I would probably become mindless to Him. I'd do what He wants only because He said to and I already know where I'll end up. I wouldn't need to rely on Him. I wouldn't need that blind, childlike faith that I try so hard to have now. Maybe knowing completely my purpose in life would make my life seem void of any purpose.

I think that's something I should keep in mind next time I ask God what His will is for my life. Maybe instead I should be asking, "God, what's the next step?" keeping in mind that He might just say to "keep straight ahead." (If only it was in that Australian accent I love so much on my Dad's GPS...)

a good God in a bad world

I've been learning something lately. There's some things I'll never understand, no matter how hard I try. And sometimes I'll know something in my head and even know it in my heart, but I have a hard time actually believing it. Like knowing God is a good God even though terrible things happen.

As usual, this blog comes back to sex trafficking. I've been reading articles. And as I read these articles about people who organize multi-state prostitution rings or drug children to kidnap them and force them to "perform tricks" on men 3 times their age, I hear through my headphones songs of how great our God is. It's hard to take both of those things in at the same time. It's hard for me to comprehend a great God when I read about how screwed up this world is.

I mean, if God's so great why doesn't he stop it all? Right? I know I'm not the only one to think that, no matter how good a Christian you might think you are. He's all powerful and He's loving and He's all knowing. So why is He just sitting back and letting all this crap happen? Can't He intervene? Can't He do something to stop these people? Can't He change their minds?

But then I remember two things: God has given us free will and He is on the side of those who are oppressed. It takes on both sides that way. God gave us a free will. If He didn't, what would be the point? But that means people can choose to do the wrong thing. And because Satan is so deceiving, he can make those wrong things look so tempting. So people continue to do it until it becomes mindless and there's no feelings against it. But that free will also means that when we make the right choices, they really are our choices. That to me is exciting! My choice to live my life for God is my own choice not something God made me do!
And there's the fact that He's on the side of the oppressed. That doesn't mean He loves them more than anyone else, but His heart breaks for them. He cries with them after the man leaves their hard dusty bed. He is next to them as they're beaten by their pimps. He never once leaves their side.

I know this because I saw it. I heard it. When I was in Cambodia, I heard stories from women who can't deny the fact that their Father in Heaven watched out for them the whole time. They told stories of when they felt there was no hope left, but they felt the strength to go on. That strength was God. They know that now.

It's hard for me to learn about these people who live to hurt others. It's hard for me to learn about them and still know that God is good. But I know it in my heart. I know it with all my heart, actually. God is good. He does not leave us in times of trouble, no matter what that trouble looks like.

Matthew 28:20 - "Behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age"

I'm so frustrated!!

First of all...I want to watch 24 but it's not loading! I've been waiting for 4 days to watch this stupid episode from season 3 and it won't load!

And secondly...they denied me for off-campus housing! What's that all about? We have this dumb rule that you're not supposed to live off campus till you're 21 and I'm not old enough so they won't let me! It would be "very unfair to other students". Unfair my butt. They've let plenty of other students live off campus that are too young. I know a few people right now who are 19 and living off campus. Someone else just turned 19 and didn't even have to appeal to get approved. So what's wrong with me? Ugh!!!

And I'm sick of decisions. Like big ones. Decisions like when I should graduate and should I go to grad school when I do graduate. Or which concentration should I be putting with my major. Or what should I be doing with my summer. Sick of it. Why can't it all just work out and be easy? But God forbid my decisions get a little easier.

Anyway I should go so I can figure out my classes for next semester (yay for more decisions...)
I need another break.

a legacy.

Don't ask yourself the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

- Harold Whitman

I'll be honest...I don't really know anything about Harold Whitman, but I came across that quote and, well, if he actually lived by that then my guess is he's not half bad. At first I was like What?? Don't ask what the world needs? Then how can I do anything worthwhile? And then I got it (probably because I read the rest of it...) The world needs people who have come alive.

This world is full of dead people. Not literally of course, but think about it. How many people do you think are really living life? I won't make myself look like an idiot and put some random percentage up here but I can tell you from my experience it's not too many. We're just a bunch of people walking around going through our day to day routines doing what we know we're supposed to do and saying what we know we're supposed to say. But how much of that actually means something? Seriously. Think about that for a few minutes.

So what makes you come alive? I believe with my whole heart that God has given each of us something that will bring us to life - a calling, you could say. For some that's children. For others that's teaching. For others still that's leading a major corporation. God's given us different talents and desires. For me, it's freeing women from forced prostitution. Just being near women from that background, even reading about them, gives me energy. It gives me a sense of purpose, a sense of calling. It brings me to life. I think that's God's way of telling me This is how you can leave a legacy. This is how I want you to make a difference in the world.

And that's exactly what I want! I want to make a difference in this world. Not just a small one, but a huge one. God's given me a desire to change this place. I know it's a temporary place, but the condition of this temporary home can make a huge impact on so many people's eternal homes. Something needs to change. Actually, a million things need to change. But I can't change them all.

And I guess that's where that quote comes in. If I ask what this world needs it's so overwhelming. It needs so much! But I can't do it all and I know that. So I need to do that one thing that brings me to life. Because the last thing the world needs is millions of dead people doing everything possible to bring change. We need living people doing what brings them to life so that others can be brought to life as well. And so, I want to be a very alive person who leaves a legacy that can help others find that life.

Does that make sense? Probably not, but maybe something in there did :)