It's been a while. You know why? I've had nothing to say...simple as that. To tell the truth I've been dry. Spiritually, that is. I've been wanting to hear from God, to feel Him close to me. I've been wanting to just fall on my knees in raw surrender because of something He said or did that broke me.
But none of that's happened.
I tried everything. I tried making myself worship "harder" in church and stretching my hands to the ceiling. I tried reciting cliches about how great God is and how faithful He is. I even tried making myself cry over how distant I've felt. I tried all the wrong things though. I realized today that I still hadn't gone to His Word. So I spent a while reading my Bible, waiting for something to jump out at me. Nothing. I began wondering what I'm doing wrong. Why aren't I hearing anything? Did God just give up on me? But no, I know He doesn't do that...so what's going on?
And then I put in my headphones and listened to music as I studied for my bio test. A song came on that I've listened to countless times before. I always loved it, but this time it meant something different to me. I'll put a video of it here.
It just finally sunk in. Maybe I'm learning how to be faithful to God, just like He's ALWAYS been faithful to me. Even though it's not obvious He's here, He is. Why would I believe any differently? So...it seems as though an attitude change is in order for this week. Hopefully you can learn something from my struggle with this, as well.
