good friday?

This Good Friday wasn't like most years. Usually I become very reflective, contemplative, whatever on Good Friday. This year I think I took the opposite route. I did my best to ignore it. You know why? Because I know I didn't deserve what Christ did and I couldn't let myself accept that He did it anyway.

So I went through the motions. If it came up, I acted like I was grateful and acted like everything was normal, but inside everything was all wrong. I didn't want God's forgiveness because I knew there was no way I could live up to it. I didn't want it because I knew I'd just screw up again anyway. And in my head I had this crazy idea like if I tried hard enough, I'd convince God I was right not Him.

Stupid, right? Well no one ever said I was smart. And besides, I think we all try stupid things sometimes when it comes to God. I guess it's because He's so hard to understand, so we box Him up and try to control Him. I know I'm not the only one...

But anyway, it didn't work of course. My thoughts, my actions, won't change a thing about history. Because what happened on Good Friday is more than just a legend. It's more than a good story. It's history. It's truth. And it's why I can get up in the morning knowing that His mercies are new and that what I did yesterday is over. It's a new day and I have a new slate. So hopefully I'll do my best to respect that new day with His new mercies. Of course, knowing my human nature I'm sure something will go wrong. But it's worth a shot. I think Jesus deserves my effort at the very least.

Jesus died on the cross for you whether you wanted Him to or not. It's up to you to accept it. It's all your choice now.