Tuesday, January 27, 2009

stress, hope, and prayer

So I'm sure you've never had too much to think about right? If that's true I envy you. However, my mind has been racing for the past few days. Not good if you ever want to sleep, by the way. So I thought I'd pour a few thoughts out onto here and out of my head.

The most annoying thing on my mind lately is school. It's only the third week and yet so overwhelming! I was doing great till this week (which only started yesterday haha) when I realized that everything snuck up on me at once. Tomorrow is our big presentation for our research project, Friday is my theology exam, and Monday...well Monday is when all hell breaks loose...Philosophy exam (death) Research exam (death) and Contemporary Issues exam (not quite death...but it's all about death). Maybe after Monday I'll be able to breathe again...although probably not for too long.

But I've also had good things on my mind. Hopeful things. Like prayer and faith.
Last week was spiritual emphasis week here at school. We had extra convocations (chapel) and listened to Clayton King speak. God was definitely moving on our campus! Matt and I joke sometimes about spiritual emphasis week because it seems like the emotions get the best of some people and all of the sudden everyone is giving their life over to Christ. But this week was different. It wasn't a "close your eyes and raise your hand while everyone has their head bowed...now while everyone still has their head bowed come to the front...no pressure no one's watching you" kind of week. No this was a "if you feel God pulling at your heart to declare Him as Lord then stand up and shout 'Jesus is Lord'" kind of week. Seriously that's what happened. About 20 people stood up and shouted for all 4-5000 of us that Jesus is Lord and then came down for prayer in the front. Such a different impact than when 100 people quietly pray the prayer, possibly even for the 10th time in their life and sneak down to the front. After all, being a Child of God is not something to hide. You might as well start off with a shout, right?

And, like I said, prayer is on my mind. I interviewed to be a prayer leader not long ago and, although I didn't get the position, I was asked to head up the prayer warriors group on our hall. I'm so excited about it but I don't know what to expect yet. I'll find out tonight though! It's just interesting that I was asked to do this because I've been trying so hard lately to be a prayerful woman of God. Not just someone who says she'll pray for you but someone who will pra and will keep praying until that prayer is answered. And someone who will personally come and check on you to see about any updates on that prayer request. Maybe God's trying to put me into a position where I'm forced to do that so I'll learn better :)

And then there's the worship team audition coming up. I decided to try out for one of the school's worship bands (they have about 5) and it's coming up on Thursday. I'm not sure how wise this decision was but I figured I'd take a chance and go for it. After all, I never do that so I might as well break the chain somewhere right?

And as always, I have Cambodia on my mind. Although, it's not really only Cambodia I'm thinking about. It's the women and children who are victims of sex trafficking all over the world. They ahve been on my heart and mind for such a long time. I keep sayng to God "it's not fair. How could you let them go through this. Can't you just stop them?" I think He spoke to me last night. Not out loud in a booming voice, but softly through my nightly devotion book. It was a short lesson about Joseph after he was put in jail for something he didn't do. The book said, "False accusations put Joseph in prison, but it was the Lord who stayed near him and nurtured his soul while he was there." And then I got it. Just like Joseph, these women had never done anything to deserve being where they are, but God is with them, staying by their side and nurturing them while they are there. The end of the story brings me hope. God brings people to Joseph who see his gift of interpreting dreams, a gift which later brings him to a position of power in Egypt. He is able to make a difference and he goes down in history for it. What if that's what God has planned for some of these women and children? Bringing them out of the ashes of dispair and into the beauty of hope and influence. Hey, God can do anything, right?

Friday, January 16, 2009

when the world gets you down

Life can get discouraging sometimes can't it? Maybe not necessarily our own lives but other's lives. I guess just the world in general. I came across a video from a news channel (I forget which one...maybe CNN?) about a sex trafficking business that was recently busted in Houston. This sparked my interest (obviously, since my passion is for victims of this crime) and I began searching for more information about sex trafficking in the US. Let's just say I was deeply discouraged.

New Jersey, my own state, has the highest number of strip clubs in the US. It has about 600 known sex establishments. And it's such a small state! But as I was reading this I was listening to my music and I heard the words "I will not forget that nothing is impossible." What great timing! Just when I was getting so discouraged and feeling as though this disgusting cycle and black hole of human trafficking could never be put to a stop I hear the words "nothing is impossible" and I realize my little faith.

But as much as I wish I had big faith, I guess little is okay for now right? After all, Jesus did say that faith like a mustard seed will move mountains. Have you ever seen a mustard seed? It's tiny! So I guess faith a little bigger than that can get rid of human trafficking right?

I think it's about our hearts. Do our hearts really long for these people to be free? Do they really have the faith that it can happen? And as I was thinking this, lo and behold the next song I hear says "give me a heart after your own heart." Weird. God was really working through my music tonight! But I thought, yes that's what I want. A heart after God's heart. A heart that reflects His heart that desires freedom and justice.

I need to remember that God is good. (Coincidentally, the next song said "you are good and your love endures). God did not desire for these people to be slaves. He wants them to be free. He wants them to experience the love he has for them. It's terrible what these people experience...I can't even imagine. But the fact that people are sinful and not good, doesn't mean that God's not good. I can't give up on him. He is good and there's nothing else to it. I need to trust him that he knows what he's doing.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Give me Jesus

In the morning when I rise...when I am alone...when I've come to die...give me Jesus.

The memories that come with that song...

In Cambodia this summer I heard that song all the time. Jenna sang it a lot in the morning when most everyone was still sleeping. Suprisingly I woke up pretty early there usually and I usually woke up to her singing it. For those of you who don't know Jenna she has an amazing voice. A gift from God...it can't be anything else. There's nothing like waking up to a gorgeous voice crying out and asking for Jesus in every aspect of your life. It really set the pace for the day for me. I wonder if she even knows I heard her most mornings...?

We sang that song last night at Fuel, which is a college youth group type of thing. We sang a ton of good songs last night but that one got me. I think because of that memory that comes along with it. I've had Cambodia on my mind almost constantly lately with trying to plan another trip and a song that triggered a memory from Cambodia just tipped the glass for me. As we sat there thinking about asking God what His will is for our lives we sang that song...Give me Jesus...and I almost cried right there. That's what I want. I want Jesus' will in my life. Every minute of every day. I want to know what He wants to do with me.

So that's my prayer tonight. Give me Jesus. Thanks to my beautiful friend Jenna that song has taken on such deep meaning and thanks to Fuel it's been renewed in my life. But most of all thanks to God it's going to happen. He's going to give me Jesus as long as I keep asking.

Monday, January 5, 2009

new year's resolutions

I don't normally make resolutions for the new year but this seemed like the year to do it. I'm not sure why...it just seemed necessary. Is it cheating since they're a few days late? Here they are in no particular order:



  • spend more time reading the Bible
  • pray intentionally every night
  • go back to Cambodia
  • keep in touch with friends
  • get back in touch with older friends
  • be more outgoing
  • raise my gpa
  • be more optimistic
  • learn to say no
  • get more sleep...at night not in the afternoon
  • do something I never thought I could do
  • make at least one new friend
  • get to know a teacher as a person not just a teacher


I'm sure I'll come up with more...those are just from the past day or two. I guess I should get started on that more sleep one. Goodnight!!